"What's the matter?" "Nothing."This is heard all too often in relationships and marriages. It's been said that the most important aspect of a happy marriage is good communication. The ability to talk to each other and have the other person really listen is so important in creating harmony in the relationship.
Communication is the ability to say what we mean and how we really feel about any topic or issue, and the complaint of most married couples is that they lack the ability to communicate. This is best gotten through by first understanding how the different sexes communicate in the first place.
Women are traditionally more open to saying what they feel, while men are traditionally more closed off when it comes to communication, ask anyone who has been married for a short period of time and hasn't learned how the other person states their needs. Both parties need to learn how to look for covert clues as to what the other person is really saying. For instance, when a partner is silent, it is less likely that there is something wrong than it is that they just don't know what to say. Silence is the most common way that couples don't communicate. Shouting is the other.
So what is the solution? One of the first areas married couples need to work on is creating time just for talking. That may send a shiver down both of your spines, but it's true. In this modern world of two income households and busy schedules, few married couples set aside a specific time or day to just talk. The gift in trying this exercise is that you get to act like your dating again. Remember when you where dating and spent long hours together just talking? You can have that time back with just a little bit of planning. The next exercise is to look at each other when you speak. Most married couples have their conversations while they are doing something else-usually getting ready for work in the morning-and those are generally "housekeeping" conversations, who will pick up the kids from where, please pick up more cat food on your way home, etc.
Also, practice watching each other's body language; if one or both of you is sitting cross legged with your arms folded in front of you that sends a very strong non-verbal message that you are literally not open to the conversation. Try sitting close enough that you can touch each other but also face each other. Perhaps the kitchen table is a good place. It is better not to try to have a discussion while in the car; you're both too distracted.
Most importantly, let each other know that you care. It really isn't important for you to win every discussion, or argument, not at the risk of sacrificing your relationship. Hold hands often, and remember where you came from in the beginning of the relationship, before you were married. Reminding each other that they are still the most important part of the marriage will go a long way in improving communication.
Source marriage.families.com by Gillian Markson